i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
