when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
