nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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