Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
