ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wish you could order shots online.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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