why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize