I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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