So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
