weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
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You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
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Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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