i jhust puked up my retainher.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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