I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
