when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
