I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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