You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
