I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
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