yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
