I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
