You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
