we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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