Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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