I faked an abortion last night.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
