Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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