After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
whose parrot is this?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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