just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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