Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
