she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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