Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
