4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
this hospital has no fireball
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
