some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
