Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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