Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
