after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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