I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
