why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
