but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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