I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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