Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
