Ketchup is God's man juice
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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