Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
