my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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