They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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