just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
