I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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