I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
