It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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