don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
