Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
