i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I understand Curling. That high.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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