I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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