i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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