I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
