Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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