i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
