Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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