Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
