Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
