I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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