I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
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im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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