Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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