All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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