worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
