Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
