I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
