Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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