my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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