I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
