Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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