I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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