dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
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just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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