whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
