The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
