This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
